Meltdown Management


I am 15 minutes away from the appointment with the clutter cleaner. Is the house the way I would want it to be before her arrival? Is it reflecting my intention to implement the systems she introduced? The answer to these questions is no.

So, I'm having the anticipated meltdown. Struggling against the urge to clean like a kamikaze, to be more presentable. I do really want to get more organized & if it takes a while to learn it - how does that differ with learning how to work out or learning how to think strategically at work? It doesn't really.

I've been thinking about the things that come up for me when I get defensive about tasks, chores & especially deadlines. Deadlines are the kicker for me. I hate missing deadlines, but - evidently - not enough stop missing them. I made a list for today's prep & it has the word deadlines written at the bottom with a little drawing of a tombstone on top of it - with the requisite R.I.P. Then I imagined the crooked finger of death, beckoning. So, I summarized that to comply with deadlines is to walk into death & to avoid & miss them is therefore more acceptable, although not without irritation. I'm sure all of that's way off, maybe even from what factors contribute to my resistance, most certainly it's off from what deadlines actually mean. But it was fun to run through those associations.

She may be here. Oh, Geez.