Finding breadcrumbs

Well, we've been home for a week and I feel our particular version of normalcy returning. All of the big events of the last few weeks have had me churning in the low waves, like the powerful waves of N.C.'s shorelines. I've laughed and cried & been irresponsible & hospitable. I've been amazed at the folks I've seen at their highs & lows.

Jason and I started the celebration for our anniversary last night. It didn't quite take, so we'll keep celebrating that fine day until we feel it maps to our feelings for each other. That's a best case scenario & I'm glad to have that linger for as long as necessary.

My Dad is either in the hospital or back home, will have to check in this weekend. I've kept up with him via phone & wish him the best of luck for his heart surgery. He's certainly been a blessing to talk with.

Work has hit the meat of the work we need to accomplish before the new fiscal year starts. That's a huge accomplishment in itself & I try not to think about how much we are asking hundreds of people to change their view of what they do -- focusing instead on the value of the plans we've been making for the last several months. It's maybe the largest project I've worked on & I'm determined to see it through as best I can.

Zikr hit me where I live & helped me get synched while feeling the most vulnerable to my feelings. The people I got to met & host were beyond lovely - music means so much to me & we were able to hear music throughout the entire weekend, in and outside of our prayer circle.

The wedding we attended surpassed any I've seen before, in terms of beauty and concerted effort. I have high hopes for this new family configuration & will think often of where I'm at in this broad group, of what I can contribute from where I am.

Home is calling me. I have coordinated a new office, where I sit often with my cat & look into the future, a future where I am doing so much more of what I set out to do 5-10 years ago, which is honoring my desire to do art, to do astrology as a profession. Being at home with Jason is always a revelation & the idea that we'll be spending more time together as summer raises it's sleepy head in Seattle is something I have tucked away, like a wish, like a dream.

Today, I'm heading in to finish a few meetings & join co-workers at the new Star Wars movie. I'm completely tired, could sleep for days, but happy to share this kind of time with people who clearly put their hearts & minds into the work that they do.

Tonight, we're looking for photo ops, or I'll stick around the homestead, culling the best photos from the 500 or so I've taken in the past few weeks. An initial review looks promising, but that's not unusual. I'm curious to see the whole cloth of what I've documented & not the super-personal view I usually take -- one, frankly, that allows me to see all but the most obscured photo as a success.

Stunning things from this last few weeks:

The smile on Stephen's face during the vows & when he first danced with his new bride

Connie's attentiveness to me throughout the wedding

Nathan's good cheer and better questions

Bill, in general & in specific

Frances' office

Amy & Jennifer rehearsing vows with their hair in curls and big grins on their faces

Jason & Rachel's toasts to the new couple

My dad saying how proud he is of me & asking me to be who I am, knowing that I am a good person

My mom, totally

Seeing John & Tish, Tish's arm on me -- comforting me during a fit

Dave & Jilda and all that they do (kick ass accordian tape being the most recent hoot)

Don and all of his support, while I figure out what support I need

Matt, for all of the encouragement he gives for me to grow as a biz professional

Jessica, for her thoroughness and good cheer

Andrew, for his accessibility and willingness to address issues

Peter & Courtney,`for their unwavering vision

Justin, for his questions and persistence

Molly, Jason and Shannon -- who do consistently wonderful work & who never shy away from doing more.

Wes, for not giving up

Jason, for his steadfastness and high expectations of me

My sisters, one and all -- sisters are fabulous to have & I don't see a cap for that benefit

Jema -- for being my familiar & for purring loudly in her 15th year, to make her happy, I'd change quite a bit.

Michael, Tsukina & Ezekial, for gently and joyfully entering my heart and not letting me retreat from that lovely contact

Maile, for her incredible spirit and determination

Jelal, for his bottomless generosity and clear sight

Drew and Alex, for their openness and for love

Pam, for her ongoing inspiration and for modeling a life well led

for you reading this

for a life that showers me with the realization of that aching gratitude and the myriad ways it occurs to me to express it.