Thanksgiving

I'm a little late on to post on this topic, but want to make sure to get this in. We had a terrific Thanksgiving this year. J's parents came out for the weekend and J & his mom put together an amazing meal. Risotto, collards, turkey, and a blueberry pie for dessert. J & I have birthdays around Thanksgiving, so for our gift, we asked J's mom for help organizing our kitchen. It was terrific fun and very helpful - the best gift in a long time. They left town just before we were snowed in.

Starting with the above, I have much to be thankful for; food to eat, a warm house, good friends and family. I spent a great deal of time this year tracking down a health problem that it turns out has been taking the fun out of living for me & has been around for almost a decade. With help from several doctors, I've been able to get it corrected. This year, I got to enjoy time with my Mom at her 75th birthday. My sister & brother-in-law came out for a visit & we all had a great time together. J got to perform with other semazens at the Lincoln Center. We had the first harvests from our garden. We celebrated our five year anniversary. We are thinking about having children.

My thanks on a larger scale goes out to folks who are holding the light of peace in places where there is little of either. I have heard in these times (which seem dark to me) that the destructive elements are in their dying throes - that it is that truth that makes them seem so violent and overwhelming. I am hoping that with renewed health I can join in with my friends who are more active in voicing their concerns, in looking for answers and applying them. For now, I send out my thanks.

This week is the week of Shebi Arus. We saw the ceremony in Turkey last year at this time. Already a caravan has started in California & folks are traveling to Portland for the big day. J has contributed more this year. I get so excited when I work with these good folks, I lose my perspectives and am not able to identify my limits, which are pretty significant for now. So I am sitting this year out, helping only where I know I can, whatever little that may be. This Saturday there will be a sema ceremony in our part of town. I'm looking forward to taking photos, since I'll be sidelined from joining the dance.

Big Sale

We're back from the beach - the trip was great. We took a side trip to the North Carolina Zoo and, with a borrowed camera, I took the picture to the right.

The seals were the best part of the zoo - it was blazing hot & their pool was cooled. The windows we viewed them through were covered with condensation. I think we each touched a window, as a means to cool off.

Tomorrow, or today really, there will be a big rummage sale down on Market at 17th in Ballard. The Ballard Seafood Festival is also on. Should be a fun weekend.

My camera is back. I've taken a few pictures & am looking forward to doing more. Here are a few pictures from last year's Ballard Seafood Festival: on Flickr.

dusk is on it's way...

I couldn't ask for a better week. Lot's of fun bike riding around Lake Washington starting at Seward Park, having friends over to the house for the first time, cooking pupusas - food that reminds me of the brief year I spent in San Francisco and to top it off, a trip to the Average Joe Cat Show.

There's still more to go - the weekend is jam-packed with activities & friends in town. We're going to do a maypole celebration tomorrow, then off to Whidbey Island (the Whidbey Institute) for a Mevlevi event - then days of talking with friends from Portland/Hawaii/etc.

Jason gave me the greatest gift today - time to think about storage for the art studio. We got one shelf of a set that we'll get over time. He's out buying corn for the Chicken Corn Chowder he'll be making tonight for the potluck portion of our weekend (I'll help with the dumpling-like rivels) and I'm heading out to put the shelves together. It's been great working together - with folks coming to stay, it's good to know we've got each other's backs.

Twighlight is here. It rained today, leaving drops on all of the leaves, blossoms & veggies in the garden. Beautiful, but cold. I got a few shots before the sun dispersed & now the inky gray clouds are all that's left of the day.

Sunny after all

Sunday brought plenty of sun - a lovely accompaniment to J's return home. Hope everyone had a good Easter - Passover - Mohammed's birthday and other festivities of this season.

Saturday's performance with Ahmet Ozhan went very well. The dervishes joined in two separate sections - Avery Fisher hall was full, tickets sold out and Ahmet Ozhan's performance was met with a standing ovation & encore requests.

We sent four local dervishes & were regaled with wonderful stories from their experiences in New York on Monday. I've been looking for reviews & will post when I find one, but so far - no luck.

J & I are gearing up to take on the garden this weekend. This week has so far been very pleasant, although it's grey again today. I've been getting out more & even made a trip to the zoo yesterday. An early visit was they way to go as most animals were out to have their breakfast. Photos here.

My neighbor, Margaret, invited me over to play scrabble any time I want. She's going to be 103 this year & I got to spend an hour or so with her yesterday. It's really something to spend time with someone who has decided to live on their own for the long haul. Margaret is very companionable & terrific to spend time with - I'll definitely take her up on her offer!

Pouring again...

It's dumping rain today and was the same yesterday.

J called to say everything went really well in New York. He didn't let me know when he'd be arriving today, though. I can't wait to hear how it was to be in New York like we were in Turkey - there's nothing like Turkish hospitality & that counts no matter where the visit takes place.

Dinner tonight was a treat. Five of my favorite women, potluck style, all foodies and all have plenty going on. More potential bike riding & walking dates & a book to read. This was very satisfying. Also fun to hear the joy & trials of raising teenagers - two of our number have new drivers in their midst.

Potential stuff reduction happening today. We have an insane bookshelf/queensize fold out bed. It's a terrific & fun piece of furniture - but we're done with it in the new place and it would be nice to feel less crowded in the living room. Folks are coming by today to see it.

Happy Easter everyone!

Booking time

Terrific fun this week, that I can truly use. J left this morning for NYC & called just an hour ago, having finally arrived at the hotel around 2am local time. Effendi was sitting out front he said & I thought about the time difference between NY & Hawaii - it's not even 10pm now (around midnight in Seattle).

This morning's trip to get J & others to the airport was sweet. There's nothing like dropping off three guys who are focused on spiritual goals. Combine the excitement that they will be appearing at Lincoln Center & the sky is really the limit. I'm very happy to help them & proud.

Then, after a nap this afternoon, I joined Brian & Yann for a dance extravaganza featuring the music from the 80's. J has caught me up on what I missed of the music of that decade, while I was a bike courier, letting me know the significance of Guns'n'Roses, among others. I was told that while the dance themes would be broad, this time they would be shallow & the performance did fit that description. Considering that the last dance performance I attended was conducted in pitch black darkness, with the audience viewing via night vision goggles & monocles, it was useful to have my expectations reset.

The show was fun & surprising - the sensibility was very much "14 yr old dancing alone in front of a mirror", but done professionally. When the show ended, I dropped Yann & Brian off, heading home to see if J had called.

Now I'm sitting at the computer, while Jema the cat tugs at her scratching post. I keep saying that her "sap is rising" because for a cat she's being really demanding these days. Spring is completely sprung and that's got to affect a cat, even in her late 80's.

I'm hoping to make it to the zoo tomorrow, to get shots of the animals - but it's very cold & rainy, so I'm not pinning my hopes on that. Later, I'll meet with friends to talk about volunteering - although it may be a wake up call for me as my friends are all parents who do heaps of things for their various aged children, not exactly heaps of free time there, but still I get tremendous amounts of good things from being with them.

Then Sunday, I think early, J comes back. I forgot to ask him if he'd like me to meet him at the airport, but it's likely that if I get the final flight info, I'll just head down there unasked.

I've had such a wonderful time this week. Jessica and I took a long bike ride along the Burke Gilman trail & Richie let me take time to walk through the Elizabeth Miller Garden. He also came by to help us figure out what to do with our yard & so I've been a bit plant-drunk as a result. Fortunately, he reminded me that the garden he works at is especially beautiful because it has a $4k/annual budget, 2 full-time gardeners & a team of volunteers -- which is distinctly unlike, um, my yard. The week, though, was fantastic.

Anyway, I feel like I'm seeing the shift toward work & am filling time with lovely & productive projects until I can finish the construction of a useful week, month, year...

Good news from J & local friends!

Jason is going to NY this weekend to turn at Lincoln Center with Turkish singer, Ahmet Ozhan. More information on the performance is here and Ahmet's singing here.

Brian Murphy won the well-deserved Behnke Foundation Award in this year's painting category. To hear a review of his work, KUOW. The discussion centers around Rhododendrons and azaleas & so I'm letting y'all know that before you select the audio - I loved it, but I believe my plant geekiness is only beginning to show.

My accomplishments today include clearing more of the bed in the front yard, deadheading the daisies that my sister got for me on her recent visit and getting vacuum bags from the store. I did get info on a possible part-time job, which is loverly. I'm getting jazzed now about the little jobs associated with gardening - there's something very bouyant about working with plants.

Oh, I did do well at yesterday's turn class. It's been a while since I've even turned in class, though I've attended class more regularly this year than in others. Last night, I hit a speedbump & had tremendous energy with which to turn. Fortunately, the ateshbaz - or teacher - wanted to turn a lot to prep for Saturday & so we turned to two songs - about 20 minutes or so of turning.

Since our Sema in Turkey, I have recalled that a semazen I turned with in Galata was praised for turning in very the tight space that we turned in. It's difficult to not bump into someone, while turning, in general and the number of people turning at Galata was a bit large for the space we had to turn in.

The dance we do is best if it looks effortless - but the experience is rarely that way. There is a certain grace to the movements - but if you add other people and try to move in a circle while turning, it ramps up the number of obstacles to reaching that grace.

Finding a groove between two people who are also turning is a job of constant observation & an ability to start and stop on a dime. My turn is evolving, so I'm still paying attention to where my center is & how many movements I'm using to accomplish the turn (three steps should do it, I tend to add a few to compensate for losing my balance).

The yoga I used to do helped, because those slow, still stretches & odd positions emphasize strengthening the overall body. That helps in turning because there's no physical equivalent to the movements you make. In day to day life, you're not going to turn yourself around on your left leg. The same could be said for "the pigeon" or "downward dog". I mean, c'mon...

So when Scott (our ateshbaz) suggested the lengthy walk turning, I focused on keeping my spot, between J & Michael. I had to stop and start & I couldn't tell if we would ever develop into the groove. But that happened & I felt fairly even in the turn as a result.

Ok, time's a wastin'. I'm heading back out into the garden.

Epiphany

Ideas can surface in one of two ways. One way is linear: your mind progresses in a direct fashion, one idea follows the next. The other way is more common among my pals: all of the ideas you have hit you at once & if the pattern is especially useful - Why, you've got yourself an epiphany.

In the old days, epiphany meant a manifestation of the divine (see more at m-w). I'm not making claims to the divine - but the series of events that have closed out 2005 come as close to that description as I may ever get.

The trip to Turkey was breathtaking - in both the literal & non-literal sense. Our journey was a pilgramage - to visit the tomb of Rumi and see the whirling dervishes on Shebi Arus.

It's difficult to track down the information to accompany the story of our trip. There were tourist bits, that's accounted for in the pictures I've got up now on Flickr. To see the set, go here.
I haven't had access to a computer to put up the rest of the photos - The Semahane in which we turned is represented in the photos linked to in the above paragraph, but not pictures of us turning - There are no pictures of Rumi's Tomb or the other items in the Rumi Museum - nothing from the Sema held in a giant stadium that was full both of the evenings we attended, yet anyway.

I've also not had time to post the details... which mosaic in the Hagia Sophia is Jesus the Pantocrator, which is Saint John Chrysostom. There is a kickin' Wiki entry tho that can fix my error here.

Unfortunately, I still don't have time, so this post will have to suffice. I hope to share my thoughts soon - for cryin' out loud.

Smoky...

We are on our last evening in Turkey. The hotel in Istanbul is in the old part of town and our room overlooks the Hagia Sophia and the Blue Mosque.

The air here is clear - it's ra?n?ng and the call to prayer has just begun. In Turkey, smoke is everywhere - whether in Konya, where it is equal parts coal fire and tobacco - or here in Istanbul, where it is more like the will of the people - the entire land is bathed in smoke.

One of the many highlights of the trip was our visit to Çatal Hoyük. This site is a very early example of migrating people shifting their way of life to one more agricultural.

This trip has been amazing - lovely people and gorgeous sites. I feel very grateful to have been here. I have photos and will post them as soon as I can.

Finding breadcrumbs

Well, we've been home for a week and I feel our particular version of normalcy returning. All of the big events of the last few weeks have had me churning in the low waves, like the powerful waves of N.C.'s shorelines. I've laughed and cried & been irresponsible & hospitable. I've been amazed at the folks I've seen at their highs & lows.

Jason and I started the celebration for our anniversary last night. It didn't quite take, so we'll keep celebrating that fine day until we feel it maps to our feelings for each other. That's a best case scenario & I'm glad to have that linger for as long as necessary.

My Dad is either in the hospital or back home, will have to check in this weekend. I've kept up with him via phone & wish him the best of luck for his heart surgery. He's certainly been a blessing to talk with.

Work has hit the meat of the work we need to accomplish before the new fiscal year starts. That's a huge accomplishment in itself & I try not to think about how much we are asking hundreds of people to change their view of what they do -- focusing instead on the value of the plans we've been making for the last several months. It's maybe the largest project I've worked on & I'm determined to see it through as best I can.

Zikr hit me where I live & helped me get synched while feeling the most vulnerable to my feelings. The people I got to met & host were beyond lovely - music means so much to me & we were able to hear music throughout the entire weekend, in and outside of our prayer circle.

The wedding we attended surpassed any I've seen before, in terms of beauty and concerted effort. I have high hopes for this new family configuration & will think often of where I'm at in this broad group, of what I can contribute from where I am.

Home is calling me. I have coordinated a new office, where I sit often with my cat & look into the future, a future where I am doing so much more of what I set out to do 5-10 years ago, which is honoring my desire to do art, to do astrology as a profession. Being at home with Jason is always a revelation & the idea that we'll be spending more time together as summer raises it's sleepy head in Seattle is something I have tucked away, like a wish, like a dream.

Today, I'm heading in to finish a few meetings & join co-workers at the new Star Wars movie. I'm completely tired, could sleep for days, but happy to share this kind of time with people who clearly put their hearts & minds into the work that they do.

Tonight, we're looking for photo ops, or I'll stick around the homestead, culling the best photos from the 500 or so I've taken in the past few weeks. An initial review looks promising, but that's not unusual. I'm curious to see the whole cloth of what I've documented & not the super-personal view I usually take -- one, frankly, that allows me to see all but the most obscured photo as a success.

Stunning things from this last few weeks:

The smile on Stephen's face during the vows & when he first danced with his new bride

Connie's attentiveness to me throughout the wedding

Nathan's good cheer and better questions

Bill, in general & in specific

Frances' office

Amy & Jennifer rehearsing vows with their hair in curls and big grins on their faces

Jason & Rachel's toasts to the new couple

My dad saying how proud he is of me & asking me to be who I am, knowing that I am a good person

My mom, totally

Seeing John & Tish, Tish's arm on me -- comforting me during a fit

Dave & Jilda and all that they do (kick ass accordian tape being the most recent hoot)

Don and all of his support, while I figure out what support I need

Matt, for all of the encouragement he gives for me to grow as a biz professional

Jessica, for her thoroughness and good cheer

Andrew, for his accessibility and willingness to address issues

Peter & Courtney,`for their unwavering vision

Justin, for his questions and persistence

Molly, Jason and Shannon -- who do consistently wonderful work & who never shy away from doing more.

Wes, for not giving up

Jason, for his steadfastness and high expectations of me

My sisters, one and all -- sisters are fabulous to have & I don't see a cap for that benefit

Jema -- for being my familiar & for purring loudly in her 15th year, to make her happy, I'd change quite a bit.

Michael, Tsukina & Ezekial, for gently and joyfully entering my heart and not letting me retreat from that lovely contact

Maile, for her incredible spirit and determination

Jelal, for his bottomless generosity and clear sight

Drew and Alex, for their openness and for love

Pam, for her ongoing inspiration and for modeling a life well led

for you reading this

for a life that showers me with the realization of that aching gratitude and the myriad ways it occurs to me to express it.

Jung's Memories, Dreams, Reflections biography has been a great read over the holidays. I've dog-eared pages where Jung refers to other books for future research. Previous discussions of Jung with friends have centered around his willingness to explore parapsychology, astrology and the like - in order to determine the nature of the psyche. When a friend mentioned that he was involved in the creation of Alcoholics Anonymous, I was honestly surprised. I found a letter he sent to Bill W. on the web - interesting stuff. click here to view the letter. click here for an editorial on reading Jung.

In one of the passages, Jung describes the house he built for himself in Bollingen, a stone tower without electricity, running water or heat. I wonder what it would take for me to live with less? Jung states that he came into his own in Bollingen, that the simplicity of life was part of that. As I review the commitments I'd like to make to myself this year, I'm looking at the material things I've carried with me, things once full of potential that I can now let go.

Our home is quiet now, our guests left last night. Jason's parents and brother enjoyed their stay and we enjoyed having them. We took them to the Experience Music Project, the Seattle Art Museum, went to see The Rabbit Proof Fence, played pool and relaxed together. At home, piles of books and music kept everyone occupied when conversation lulled. I don't think they missed the tv. Well, I did hear comments about missed football games, but the pool hall had Sunday's games running, so that should've taken care of that.

One of the perks of having my Mother-in-law in town is that she provided moral support as I tried for the sixth or seventh time to remove stains from my Sema gown (tennure). My good friend Lee made Sema costumes for both Jason and myself. She did an amazing job in a very short amount of time. She volunteered at the ceremony and afterward recommended that I come over for an evening of alterations that would improve the look of the costumes for next year. So I washed our black capes (Hirkas) and the rest of the costumes together and discovered that the black belts (the elif-lam-end) had stained both my tennure and our short jackets (deste-guls). After several failed attempts, I let Lee know that the tennures were stained and I was out of ideas. She ended up testing the remaining scraps of fabric she had with bleach and discovered that they didn't yellow as she had feared. I loaded the costumes into the washer one last time and was pleased to see that only the faintest staining remained at the hem of the skirt.
click here to read about Sema ceremony, especially the music.
click here to see the Sema costumes in action.

New Years' Eve approaches and this looks like a quiet one. Dan called tonight with an invite to a party and I've heard of several others, including one in Virginia that looks promising - but I figure this is my only chance to chill, so I'm taking it.

click here for a bit of holiday interactive cheer.

Dear lord, I may have had it. This last month has been more than I could've envisaged. We're still weeks away from the complete film and days from setting up the next project. I've finished the last of three releases at work. Reconnected with old friends, mostly online. Turning proceeds apace. Still there's no ribbon to wrap this day with.

Spent some part of this evening waiting for Jason outside of his building. He's in the same building that Michael Kinsley is in and I could see Kinsley in his office clearly from where I stood. He's leaving Slate to tend to his poor health. He was packing tonight. Slowly moving from the bookshelf to box. I felt sad and eerie watching him. Jason came out so that we could walk through the cool rain and smell the sodden trees. It was a relief to have him near. We talked about a million things. I listened too, feeling nostalgic for the times we spent when we first met each other - wandering over Washington at night - both of us at loose ends and too alive to sleep.

When we returned, Jason mentioned that Kinsley had hundreds of books outside of his office, all up for grabs. He suggested that I go up but I hesitated - Kinsley was still there and it felt like an intrusion. After hemming and hawing, I went upstairs. A calm man was stacking the books in the hallway, looking at them one at a time. He said he felt like a kid in a candy store. He left with just two books after searching through the last stack Kinsley dropped off. I looked through the books and picked about a half dozen, stopping to smile at Kinsley before lugging them back to my office.

I am jammed full with feeling - stay away from me with pins... I feel impatient and fretful and tired like a small child. I want to stare, just stare - watch rain slide down windows, be silent. Or work. This work right now is great for clearing my mind, forces me to be communicate effectively. But what of work that shapes one's life? I could stand lugging those pumpkins back and forth across the field again. cold air in my lungs and tired, heaving muscles. Clean tired. Instead I'm stewing, I can feel it.

Tomorrow Dan and I will meet to finalize budget details for this next project. I'm hedging on asking for what I want. What's it worth to coordinate and to make sure things are as they should be? What's it worth to photograph a ceremony. It's looking more and more like I will be turning in the ceremony... Another quake - insides clashing against one another.

We turned two nights ago. First there was zikr. Breathing perfumed air into a cyclone - shaped into Ross and a woman whose name escapes me and then around the circle. Then up again for the careful spacing and constant maneuvering of the turn. There were around a dozen people to fit in a fairly large room. Each of us taking up scads of space. The point of dignity is finally driven home to me. That it makes sense to allow each person their space. Not that I have the lesson down, by any stretch of the imagination.

While I turn, I imagine my heart growing strong through the axis of my body. Unnerving when I misstep. I struggled a lot with balance Monday night. Thinking I had it nailed, some part of me would wander out of the centrifugal motion to break my moving meditation into separate pieces, leaving me surprised and grimly focused on returning to the turn.

The point of this work, this absurd, graceful and enigmatic work, is to toughen one's heart for life. I am an inveterate softy. Having been exposed to senseless violence and it's aftermath as a child, I swore off it and kept swearing off it until it actually meant something, all this swearing. And now that I've got that out of the way, it's time to keep going past the point of comfort. Life is so vast and I'm so curious - tough is my only hope for enduring. So I'll practice and probably will be in the Sema this year, not photographing it like I thought.

I've wanted to write about the days spent concocting the plan for the Pumpkin Piper. How little clues as to what was possible led to strategies and plans with friends. How lists were formed and torn up at the last minute and moments built into moments that required more strategy than I had planned. But that will have to wait, it's time to go home.