Quick turnaround

Dad's home & crabby. I've heard that recovery brings crabbiness & hope for the best for him. He's uncomfortable, so that is a tough time.

This weekend I went to the fantastic NORWAC astrological convention & got to visit with & see lectures from astrologers at the height of their intellectual & emotional power. I love that conference!

Got to visit with my brother & his sweetie for the time I wasn't at work or at the conference. We all hung out with the smallest of downsides (didn't get to see Team America together, sigh). I love visiting with my brother & this visit topped the list.

We also went to the Folklife festival. Y'know, my maiden name is Folk. We went to the festival to see J play with the Blind Shoemaker's Union, which we missed by, like 20 minutes. We got there in time to see everyone packing up. Then we wandered around, snapping pics & baking in the rare sunshine of a Seattle day.

Friday night's fun was a potluck with friends & a book exchange, with the left over books being sold & the money going to charity. We left with more books then we brought, sigh. Foodwise, we brought homemade crab cakes, whoo hoo! That was very fun.

Speaking of crabs, I accidentally ordered a bushel of Maryland crabs for my brother's visit. That's around 6 dozen crabs & the time he was out here was hallmarked by his diligence with the crabs. He cleaned out easily two dozen & most for our benefit, as the meat goes bad quicker in the shell. He said he could clearly see the connection between me & my sister Tish through the crab feast. What can I say, I love crabs! Even better, I rushed home from the conference on Sunday, in time to go out for Seattle seafood. Luxury!

Year end work is wrapping up, fiscal year end - that is. It's tough going & I tend to be more brusque when time is running out. I swear I'm trying to listen & do what's best for business - but I can always work on my presentation. In fact, I'll start just now.

Dans l'histoire du monde, ce n'est pas grands choses.

some photos to re-visit while I ponder.

Diving in

I'm in the work part of work, can't see tne final result. I've taken on a complicated set of asks & there's literally too much to tell the story. So, I'm paring them down, one by one. I've gone over the whole set of May photos with a fine tooth comb and I have the work plan, but am dismayed by the sluggish progress. I'm aiming to be done today. So you can imagine the schedule I've put together: breakfast, work, anything else.

Finding breadcrumbs

Well, we've been home for a week and I feel our particular version of normalcy returning. All of the big events of the last few weeks have had me churning in the low waves, like the powerful waves of N.C.'s shorelines. I've laughed and cried & been irresponsible & hospitable. I've been amazed at the folks I've seen at their highs & lows.

Jason and I started the celebration for our anniversary last night. It didn't quite take, so we'll keep celebrating that fine day until we feel it maps to our feelings for each other. That's a best case scenario & I'm glad to have that linger for as long as necessary.

My Dad is either in the hospital or back home, will have to check in this weekend. I've kept up with him via phone & wish him the best of luck for his heart surgery. He's certainly been a blessing to talk with.

Work has hit the meat of the work we need to accomplish before the new fiscal year starts. That's a huge accomplishment in itself & I try not to think about how much we are asking hundreds of people to change their view of what they do -- focusing instead on the value of the plans we've been making for the last several months. It's maybe the largest project I've worked on & I'm determined to see it through as best I can.

Zikr hit me where I live & helped me get synched while feeling the most vulnerable to my feelings. The people I got to met & host were beyond lovely - music means so much to me & we were able to hear music throughout the entire weekend, in and outside of our prayer circle.

The wedding we attended surpassed any I've seen before, in terms of beauty and concerted effort. I have high hopes for this new family configuration & will think often of where I'm at in this broad group, of what I can contribute from where I am.

Home is calling me. I have coordinated a new office, where I sit often with my cat & look into the future, a future where I am doing so much more of what I set out to do 5-10 years ago, which is honoring my desire to do art, to do astrology as a profession. Being at home with Jason is always a revelation & the idea that we'll be spending more time together as summer raises it's sleepy head in Seattle is something I have tucked away, like a wish, like a dream.

Today, I'm heading in to finish a few meetings & join co-workers at the new Star Wars movie. I'm completely tired, could sleep for days, but happy to share this kind of time with people who clearly put their hearts & minds into the work that they do.

Tonight, we're looking for photo ops, or I'll stick around the homestead, culling the best photos from the 500 or so I've taken in the past few weeks. An initial review looks promising, but that's not unusual. I'm curious to see the whole cloth of what I've documented & not the super-personal view I usually take -- one, frankly, that allows me to see all but the most obscured photo as a success.

Stunning things from this last few weeks:

The smile on Stephen's face during the vows & when he first danced with his new bride

Connie's attentiveness to me throughout the wedding

Nathan's good cheer and better questions

Bill, in general & in specific

Frances' office

Amy & Jennifer rehearsing vows with their hair in curls and big grins on their faces

Jason & Rachel's toasts to the new couple

My dad saying how proud he is of me & asking me to be who I am, knowing that I am a good person

My mom, totally

Seeing John & Tish, Tish's arm on me -- comforting me during a fit

Dave & Jilda and all that they do (kick ass accordian tape being the most recent hoot)

Don and all of his support, while I figure out what support I need

Matt, for all of the encouragement he gives for me to grow as a biz professional

Jessica, for her thoroughness and good cheer

Andrew, for his accessibility and willingness to address issues

Peter & Courtney,`for their unwavering vision

Justin, for his questions and persistence

Molly, Jason and Shannon -- who do consistently wonderful work & who never shy away from doing more.

Wes, for not giving up

Jason, for his steadfastness and high expectations of me

My sisters, one and all -- sisters are fabulous to have & I don't see a cap for that benefit

Jema -- for being my familiar & for purring loudly in her 15th year, to make her happy, I'd change quite a bit.

Michael, Tsukina & Ezekial, for gently and joyfully entering my heart and not letting me retreat from that lovely contact

Maile, for her incredible spirit and determination

Jelal, for his bottomless generosity and clear sight

Drew and Alex, for their openness and for love

Pam, for her ongoing inspiration and for modeling a life well led

for you reading this

for a life that showers me with the realization of that aching gratitude and the myriad ways it occurs to me to express it.

Back that thang up

We're home from N.C., after a beautiful wedding, with beautiful bride & groom. I wish them the best, from the bottom of my heart!

Jason is playing a cd he's preparing for one of my four favorite nieces (there are three favorite nephews, for those interested in keeping track). Paul Rucker's elegant composition fills the air of our home.

I got to see my mom, sister & brother-in-law - always a treat, even in my distracted state at the wedding & reception. The guest list was replete with Bennett's, Benditz', Rogers & more, which made for a non-stop (and too little sleep) weekend. We all clean up beautifully, which I'll be poring over in photograph form this week.

It's chilly in Seattle, no 80+ degree weather to saturate my very fair skin. I missed the photo of the osprey that I wanted to take, but am left with sun in my hair and skin, so can't really complain.

Looks like the world went on without us. A confusing retraction from Newsweek greeted me as I read through the blogs I regular keep track of. Either we (US) did or didn't descecrate the Quran via the creative interrogation techniques at Abu Graib. Newsweek reported the rumor, that the rumor is the cause of the riots. And now they are retracting. My head spins with the kow-towing to the current administration. Call me nutty, but blaming the media seems like the party foul here, not the media itself.

Ok, looks like it's back to work for me. I've missed my co-workers & can't wait to see what this week brings.

Onward.

Heading out to NC tonight. We're going to my bro-in-law's wedding. I'm jazzed, it'll be so much fun to see family & have a party.

No word from Dad yet, I think it'll be pretty quiet around his condition until after the operation.

This week at work has been considerably better. Lots of details fleshed out about how to work together. Definitely the best team I've worked with in my career, thus far.

About my father

Called Dad again today, he's home from surgery for a week, then a bypass. Last night I was a massive wreck, slammed on all sides by what could be or should be done when one's father is facing heart surgery. I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to give him what I would give anyone I love who is facing what he is facing.

After a few hours of brain churning, I gave in to my dramatic mood swings & took some sleeping pills. When 26 years of not speaking to my dad crashed into me, I figured that the best course of action was to not overreact.

A night of sleep did me well. J & I are hosting three musicians for this weekend's zikr & that's a beautiful gift to offer. The house is clean, everything is prepared for their arrival. I'm hopping into the shower now, then we head over to start the festivities.

Dad will be in my thoughts & prayers.

News from home

My sister wrote yesterday. My father and I are estranged, but he's in the hospital. I haven't talked with him in 11 years, then 15 years before that. I called him this morning. We didn't have long to chat, but it sounds like he's doing well & will recover nicely. Odd to talk with him after so long, but good. It's something I've been meaning to do for a while and nice to think I could cheer him up in the process.

Useless with films that showcase the weaknesses of humankind, that's me. I'm watching Insomnia - post-band rehearsal. I'm well creeped out & thought about bringing to light the eerie but beautiful work of Ralph Eugene Meatyard. Like the painterly portraits of Julia Margaret Cameron, Meatyard focused on the ephemeral moments of life -- but unlike Cameron, Meatyard was focused on the plainly creepy in life.

Graciela Iturbide brings the lyrical side of ephemeral life, with the minimum of creep. Nan Goldin does the creep, minus the ephemera. Lartigue provided an entertaining view into his life in the early 1900's, minus almost entirely the creep.

Stieglitz was the master... Levitt is charming, Muybridge was a badass...

All of this is just to say I'm awed by this work. I'm awed & angling for it. I've recently re-read this work on "how to think like a genius". Beyond just being a genius, which I can't see the E ticket to, the key is productivity. Which for me is frustrating because I'm pooped. I'm keeping up with photos, but if you saw the stack of painting concepts and unfinished work in my studio...you, like many of my friends would say "put on a show". Which I'm not ready to do, even years after I thought I was.

Patience is the ticket, I'm sure. I plan on shifting the focus from work to art this summer & even tho I've stated that before, it feels more real now. Patience is the key, so I'll add to that persistence & figure out how to get those two to converge...

Neck pain

slept wrong last night & feeling it today. My boss asked me if I had literal neck pain or if I was just using that metaphor to make a comment on work. Work has been tough lately, it's never been a breeze, but lately it's been so much about hairpin turns and looping people into projects at the last minute that my head is spinning.

The band is coming over tonight, J is out getting the remaining recording bits & pieces after dissing my guitar/amp setup. Given that I last played guitar around 20 years ago, I should begrudge him the comments, but the guitar was from my pal Joe & I don't want J besmirching a gift, you know?

I just put on one of the marriage mixes J is doing for the upcoming family wedding. Good stuff, but I can't nab it yet because he hasn't made another copy. I'm back on his list of people who need cds though, which is good.

May Day photos will be coming up shortly. I passed the camera around & so have a TON of pics, but will put up just the pictures I took here. I've been reviewing the various places where I've stashed my photos & the compressions I have to do is bumming me out. The pictures on this site are ok, but I'll have to consider the abc's of photo editing in the next few months, to see if I can improve the quality bar.

Eek, just checked work mail & took the zest out of posting this. More when I resume my "cheerful disposition".