On domesticity...

It's late & I'm finishing up ironing. That's right, ironing. J made food for the week while I took care of the laundry, after he worked on the yard; the spinach, potatoes, asparagus, artichokes & various herbs from last season. He's got loads to plant & I'm ready to help, now that things are beginning to roll.

I'm heading in early tomorrow, my electronic building key is ready & so I have access to everything I need to get the job done. Last week was a primer, now I'm in for a proper work week. I'm looking forward to it - have asked J to consider a trip to the peninsula to clear our heads as soon as we clear out of work this Friday.

The last few days have been busy, though J tried as much as he could to stay home. Saturday was all about cats & birthdays - the Average Joe Cat Show happened & Paloma enjoyed it, mostly - & Michael had a beautiful birthday, croquette & bbq and friends, friends, friends. Sunday was all about May Day. A close friend recently got engaged & hanging out with her & our crew was like drinking champagne; dizzying and joyous.

This last week was terrific. The highlight, beyond work, was going to Mt. Vernon to see a show by a good friend's mom. She is a terrific artist & it was great to see her work again. Another friend, Eero, had an opening this Friday & even though I wasn't there, it was so good to find out how it went & see the photos.

Here are a few pictures:


garden work May Day


Happy B-day Michael


3 weeks old

Hurrah!

First day of work was today - & I had a great time. I'm sure it'll take a while to settle into the schedule, but it was a blast to get stuff done, meet new people & catch up with folks I worked with a few years ago.

Whew!

Workout = feeling better

Ahem, things feel better. Just got back from the gym with J, just 40 minutes of creepy sweating and straining muscles and the world just seems like a better place. hmph.

My studio is clean, eBay is happening, and - if I'm not mistaken - I'll be able to paint tonight (Huzzah!). I've posted heaps of photos from Sunday's wanderings through the abandoned buildings of Snohomish & today's wanderings on Capital Hill. I even updated alla Flickr stuff I can grab with details about the photos.

It's warming up here in the studio, finally & I guess I have an hour or two before I need to knock off. I'm Jr. Mom'ing tomorrow & two two year olds will not have it if I'm tired when I show up in the morning. The rest of the week will be very busy, a nice change of pace.

Grateful, again.

Rilke Sunday

beauty and terror
God speaks to each of us as he makes us,
then walks with us silently out of the night.

These are the words we dimly hear:
You, sent out beyond your recall,
go to the limits of your longing.
Embody me.

Flare up like flame
and make big shadows I can move in.

Let everything happen to you:
beauty and terror. Just keep going.
No feeling is final.
Don't let yourself lose me.

Nearby is the country they call life.
You will know it by its seriousness.
Give me your hand.

--Rilke

In the last year, I've been so wrapped up in managing illness and recovering that I've indulged my tendency to limit my participation in life, in order to increase my level of comfort. I'm moving out of that phase (got evicted, I figure) and am walking right into the stubbornness I have around feeling everything. Each discomfort I feel seems to suggest a new chronic condition - some process of ageing gone awry. It's easy to retreat away from that sensation.

Previously, I've toughed out plenty of circumstances that aren't in my comfort zone. In fact, that was my m.o., to feel my stomach drop or fill with butterflies at least once per day. As health returns and energy builds (and gets used), I need to get back to that.

Onward.

Something old, somethings new

There's plenty going on these days - last week included events like; (music file) J & my 5th year anniversary, a Mos Def show, a trip to the Volunteer Park Conservatory & Jen, Paloma & the zoo.

Work has been going well - tho start up is a bit slow, with research predominating and implementation coming later. I'm excited about the intricacies - it's great to be contributing on these projects.

I got to volunteer at a local high school, this week, to critique the senior year final project presentations. All of the kids we had in our class were great - lots of art & physical focus on the projects. The high schools out here leave East Coast public schools, that I knew, behind. I felt as though these young'ns were actually ready to join the larger community. It's been too long between volunteer opportunities, it always feels good to help out.

Today was all about mowing the lawn. It's been a while, so the clippings were pretty dense, clogging the bag after two passes. There are so many plants in the yard, my inclination is to mow over anything I personally haven't planted. Not that I was the mower for the most part - J takes that honor. I kicked in at the end with the last of the backyard mowing and took the rentals back to the rental shack.

The yard is really a joy, although it's a bit overwhelming. J is great about getting out there, antagonizing dandelions, etc. It is inspiring to me and I love to get out there & tear it up. We've got a fair amount of debri to get rid of now a days, we should be able to take care of that soon enough.

Tomorrow is a clothes swap/potluck. I'm jazzed to be going. There are more & more opportunities these days - I'm grateful for that & very conscious of where my limits are. I'd like to ride out an era of consistency, rather than consistency for "a good chunk of time".

Hope it rains tonight.

Whew, got that out of the way

First day back at the ol' job & I'm glad to have it all underway. Took a nap when I got home & woke up to J's fine spaghetti dinner. Wanted to stay up to get a bunch of cleaning done - little stuff & have done nothing of the sort. Caught up with Dan via instant messenger & have been surfing my flickr pics since.

Tomorrow I'd like to get the gardening wrapped up. We've still got a yard or two of the compost mulch to plop onto the garden & I'm sure there's more asparagus ready to harvest. Then there's putting together the home office. I've heard it's going to rain, but I'm not even going there. I mean, what do I know?

I've been studying some of the more medieval aspects of astrology these days. There's a system to establish dignity - which ends up meaning working on your own or tagging along with others. It's not complex, but it's not easy to puzzle out why certain combinations are together. I enjoy the puzzle.

Last weekend was so full of good conversations - I feel like a tub of water, walking around & trying not to spill over. There's something about opening your home to folks & really being interested in hearing where they've been that is so satisfying. Of course, I usually need a few days of quiet time with J to ease on back to my regularly scheduled programming, but it's very worthwhile nonetheless.

Guess I should give up the ghost & get to bed.

Hiccups...

For no reason or for simply eating toast, I get hiccups. For about half an hour, I've been hiccuping, when I should be sleeping. It's a school night after all.

I've had a wonderful day - not enough time to spend with J, but apart from that nice and easy. I saw my print teacher from my alma mater & she invited me back to make the Japanese washi that we learned to make together ten years ago (invitation was to come back in Sept. when school starts again). I got to hang out with good friends. I got to see some stellar art. I got hired.

The dishes are clean and I'm still up. No reason, just amped for tomorrow's "first day at work". After so long, I'm curious as to how I'll do, but not really. I feel more stable in my intention than I have before. Than I have ever, is what I should say.

It's so springy here, in Seattle. Our garden grows like no one's business. If it weren't for the squirrels uprooting certain seedlings, it'd be a ridiculous crop.

I can't think of anything else to share. I've been hiccupping throughout this entire post. Ridiculous.

Back to work

I dreamt last night that I was back at my old job. In the dream, I felt confident & besides the fact that I felt my task was familiar - my confidence seemed to be based on the recurring thought of how much money I would make.

Sourcing the dream isn't difficult: I had a conversation this weekend with a former co-worker who was walking her dog by the house where J & I were helping our pals move. That covers the old job part - & I did make a comment about salaries...

What's interesting to me, about the dream, is how good it felt to be back in a familiar environment. So much changed last year - it's been months since I've felt anything at all familiar. At work, I could accomplish almost anything & the team of folks I worked with could do the same. And while our old place took forever to furnish - I enjoyed the bare spaces, which seemed more conducive to imagining what I wanted, moreso than our current, kinda crowded space.

Acclimating to the new place & to a different workstyle is a bit bizarre - I keep having to pull myself back on track & I don't honestly know this track very well. I am trying to push through my own resistance & it feels as though I'm getting nowhere. My recent vb job ended & ended well, so I'm confident that I'm capable of building the business of working for myself - I'm heading a week of seminars at Kepler & the garage continues to improve, for studio purposes. Things don't look bleak - but I can't seem to relax. J has been helping out a lot & is working on his own stuff to boot. Anyway, I'm going on faith these days.

I talked with a friend of mine today about being nervous about the new responsibilities of caring for a house. It's been a topic with a few folks recently. She asked if I'd owned a house before & then we went off on a tangent that owning your first house is like going out with a guy for the first time - you want to make sure everything is perfect, relating with such care feels impossibly fragile and so every moment is charged. That's my version, anyway. I feel that way for the house & am overwhelmed.

In another way, while I'm hungry to dive into all of the fun of the house, I'm hesitant, because I am really doing this for the first time. I can unpack my things. That's a big deal. I just wish I could perceive with a little more clarity how that clock is ticking. We could be here just 5 years, for example. This mortal stuff is not permanent. I won't be here forever & so placement & specificity have their time - but even that time is passing.

tpm = tasks per minute

Not much time to type - J and I are heading out to wrap up holiday shopping and get ready for the very soon to come trip to Turkey which is almost upon us.

There are people on this year's tour that are already in Konya - we're getting love letters everyday about this trip - it's beginning to feel real. Our passports arrived this week, both needed updating. Visas are $20 when we get to the airport in Istanbul.

I thought I'd drop a line before we get too far into the day (or week).

Yesterday I got to hang out with the Women in Black at Bellevue Square Mall. It was inclement, but wonderful to spend time with Lee. I did a queenly wave as folks went by - some not so pleased to see folks on the other side of their opinion, some happy to get support for their own line of thinking. A bespoke gentleman stopped us to thank us, his demeanor was distinguished & so it was a pleasure to hear the women there accepting his thanks.

Later, when I was home again, I tried to wrestle the guest room from the boxes that linger there with not much luck. I think I managed to get a bunch of magnets that used to be on our refrigerator unboxed.

Ah! My birthday came last week! It was a lovely non-affair - musicians came over for practice (that's about the best gift I could get anytime, live music in the house) and I put out oranges & water for folks to enjoy. Also got a book on Ed Abbey and other special items.

My position at the temp job is off for the remainder of the time before Turkey and for a bit after too. I have to automate a database in excel and so am still charged with that. Seems like it'll work out just fine overall.

It snowed this week - no pics are up yet, but J got some lovely shots of the yard. I got some too... lots of camera work these days (imagine what will go up in a few weeks!)

I better wrap up, it's almost two here & there's loads to be done!

Almost decent

Whew, time sure does fly. It feels like yesterday I was contemplating leaving life in the corporate world & striving to do right before I departed. Now, it's almost 6 months later & things are revving up for our trip to Turkey.

The show was lovely, plenty of folks came by, including some peeps & my initially critical views of my own work were softened by repeat views. I'm not there yet, but if I work at it, I think I can do justice to art.

J & I went running this morning. A temperature inversion has created the typically enigmatic fog that is so attractive & J made sure to take me to a footpath through the tall cedars & other pines that dot our neighborhood. The water in the muddy grass gave a slight edge to the ethereal surroundings.

I'm wrapping up a job with a cancer ward at a local research facility. It's been very humbling to be present while others receive experimental treatment that surely causes them suffering. I try to stay modest as I move through the waiting room & to smile as I see everyone - knowing that feeling unwell, as they most likely do, would lead some of the patients to be impatient with my joy & gratitude. I imagine myself in their position & feel myself steeling my body, as though to ward off an impact. None of us know when we'll be struck down & I hope I can be graceful, but will settle for honest.

The job is to write code for excel. Fun stuff. I've learned lots to flesh out my already substantial knowledge & a new appreciation for the various layers of coding folk who automate what would inevitably be dulling routines for busy people.

I'll be glad to be done, though. I'm ready to get back to the work of unpacking. I was able to sort out the remainders of the upstairs that J hadn't gotten to this weekend. It feels more peaceful upstairs & with the reduction in space, we don't have the spartan digs that we did for years and years at the rental place.

Our home is still so enchanting. We have gone outside at night to shoot photos many times, in fact J has some awesome shots from Sunday night. The greenhouse sits vacant tho - all I can come up with in the time I have to do research on the web, describes our greenhouse as a coldframe system that is best used in the fall or spring. I'll wait until I get a clearer picture of what needs to happen to make it useable & what plants will benefit before I set up shop there.

I'll sign off now, have to get back to work. With a bit of rest, I now feel almost decent...

cleaning up

Today we went over the list of things that the landlord should know about the old place. It's been cleaned, mostly. We didn't get to the fireplace & the basement floor could use waxing, but it's way empty, swept & we're out of there:



It's Halloween at the new place. Intermittant knocks or doorbell ringing have happened all night. I'm taking a break at the computer before launching into an all out attack on the new garage. I've got to finish the work for the show that is less than two weeks away. I feel really good about it, but cannot get to the paint, canvas or anything else.

Which is why it's such a relief to be through cleaning at the old place. I didn't go in today, just visited with the landlord. But I cannot tell you what a drain it has been to have something to go for back there for, night after night. It seemed as if it would never end. And the new place has been needing attention.

I unpacked the kitchen today. It's been mostly habitable - first room really. But I was able to completely unpack it today. There was a pot full of coffee there tonight, along with some dinner. Feels homey. I look forward to getting the rest of the house set up.

Work is still happening. I'm building code for scheduling and it's going well. Very laborious proceedings. Lot's of habits to be shifted around (how is it that people can thrive on such variety - for example: people can write 7:30a, 730, 7:30 am or 7:30 - no big deal, but can excel tell the difference?) and code to test. I've got about a week left. Then another project will begin.

Things are so busy now I can hardly register the quantity. I sleep and get an isolated image or two, when before I would dream whole stories. I go to work & come home and work and either go back again or work more at home. There are good bits & lots of them and I'm grateful, but mostly it's a blur. Perhaps it will be this way until the Turkey trip...

Don't forget to check out the pics on flickr: http://flickr.com/photos/47503589@N00/58350473/

"You just don't know how to have fun..."

Tonight, J & I went out to see a musician in the trendiest section of town. Fortunately for us, it was not the trendiest venue -- we didn't have to fight off dissasociated hordes, nor did we have to play it cool. We went to a local importer's shop & saw a sufi performer (I hear) that played and played for us tonight. The best was that I so needed to dance.

Even though it's technically one day after a 3-month sabbatical, I'm raring to start my new work. That work is not what I have done for the last three months & also deviates from the norm in significant ways, meaning I don't have a boss telling me what to do.

Now is probably the time to say that my last boss was terrific, he trusted me to do the right thing and pushed me over my own limitations more times than I can count. I can't thank him enough & I can't help but notice an eerie resemblance to my current sitch. Being that I can't count on someone coming out of the woodwork & saying "Hey, here's an opportunity. Why don't you go and get that one??".

So, thing is, I've been raring to go and my first art show is in November -- my first job interview (part-time, presumably non-profit) is a week from Tuesday -- so tension has been building up. It very much got released tonight, when hand touched drum and foot touched ground. I could've turned all night to the funky beat that was being laid down & I wouldn't have been alone.

We were invited by pals in J's band. They suggested that we join the musician that made such an impact on Mike during the Bumbershoot festival. By the way, I have a theory that "Mike" is the most common sufi name. I am so confident of this trivial fact that I've recommended, more than once, that J take "Mike" as his official, sufi name.

We arrived, after a dinner of homemade albondigas. Immediately, it's obvious to me that we can turn at this event & so, there's no hesitation. J is more circumspect & takes up an instrument instead -- eventually helping out E (5 yr old) with his drawings of eyes. I'm ready to stop, but this musician is not & encourages me along with the other sufi folks in the crowd. We turn together & apart -- and for a long time (2 hrs?) before the music has exhausted itself & it's time to go.

We finish up the night at Sophia's. We've brought treats, but Sophia is the bomb & makes pasta with marinated tomatoes. E doesn't like those (5 yr old, remember?) and so chit chats instead, about his nascent desire to become a ninja, favorite movies (Porco Rosso, Return of the cat & what sounded like "Pompoko") and where he lived when he was three. Good times all around, and J & I go home. He's snoozing now, but I'm up, having misjudged my energy levels & taken a nap earlier.

The punchline? I said to J that I hadn't expected the evening to be so boring. MB suggested that I just don't know how to have fun...

This weekend looks chock full & I'm cool with that. Friends, house-hunting and more await us & so I leave you all...

Good weekend -- take care

Wrapping up

This is the last night before my last day of work for my current employer. I've got meetings from 8am to 6pm. I'm on the useless side of being burnt out & amped up. I'm on my work laptop, finishing the doc sort & cleaning up my desktop.

I've been a bit of a zombie at home lately, no energy for anything. That's too bad, too, because J's been working with folks on a dishy plan for this weekend's Solstice Parade. Something, something kazoos & "When the saints go marching in". I'll photograph it, found out I'm free on Saturday. That'll be fun, but in the meantime, I've been dodging all of the hubbub at home & pensively smoking on the front porch. After Sunday's dazzling wine spectacle, I'm leary of finding an exit for this tension. I want to do the right thing & this is nothing - no poke in the eye with a sharp stick, no juror duty on the MJ case, it's just not that big of a deal.

I made a tactical error, photo-wise. Took hundreds of shots & expediently plopped them on my work computer. They total almost a gig of space, so it won't be easy to shift them from one computer to another. I tried e-mailing them and it added up to 4 images per mail...

Waiting for the images to load, dum de dum.

I'm distracting myself with macabre web sites. Yesterday it was the Rwandan & Armenian genocides - Romeo Dallaire's story of his struggle to save 10's of thousands of Rwandans was eerie & distinct -- the story of the Turkish atrocities against Armenians was quoted by Hitler as justification for targeting Jews before the Holocaust. I've always marveled and mourned at our ability as humans to destroy each other.

Tonight's content gets back to nature, animal attack-style. Being from a urban-outlying suburb, I was raised with little experience with nature - so little that my first trip across country was marked by constant comparisons to a local amusement park. "It looks like King's Dominion!" I would say, over & over again.

I'd like to think I've exposed myself to enough of the outdoors to forever shift that limited view - but I have quite aways to go. Recent conversations with folks who have spent plenty of time sailing (around Hawaii, Alaska & Washington) have brought up fascinating stories about sailing by grey whales (when they blow the plumes of water, it's really snotty & fishy smelling), watching orca attacks & even being the focus of a potential orca attack. It's not a direct shot from those stories to my curiosity about, say, crocodile attacks... it acts more as a remedy for that lurid tendency on my part.

I am no different than the folks watching America's Funniest Home Videos. A much more productive investigation of the animal kingdom happened earlier this week - or last week... Saturday, E & I reviewed the painted vulture, various dinosaurs & many monkey types. He's 5 & kept me company while other folks worked on a float & banners for this weekend's parade.

Well, I'll have to finish the photo project tomorrow. Browsers are closing down for the evening.

In terms of communication:

So, a good weekend has grabbed me by the metaphorical tail & is at it's end. Tomorrow I face the last of three days of pre-ordained work. It's undecided on my account, but I can assure you, with my schedule as is, there is work to be done.

My cat is outside, as am I. Soaking in the windy rain that is the true lot of any Seattle-lite. I am one of those, being 15 years into this game. My cat, who arrived in Seattle shortly after I did, is old now... given how cat years run... but I am still a pup.

Cooperation & familiarity ruled the roost this weekend & that seems correct, given my new focus of home over work & friends over co-workers. But there is much to be done to complete the transmission. Assured, as I am, over the limitlessness of Plaxo (the web address book that houses my contact information), I am still concerned that the Marlena's, Craig's & Matt's of the world will not have sufficient access to me in the switch from high tech to high road.

There isn't a sure way to confirm the footing upon which I travel. The road is more than even friends can help foreshadow & caution seems to be the key.

If I told you that in this transition that all I have been concerned about is that the folks who deserve it would get the love that I have to share, what could that mean to you, unless you are one of the deserving? As selective as I am, how could I not leave out a Molly or two? How could I not look to a Shannon or a Jessica to help me pick up the pieces? And what does it mean that wine is the impetus for this posting?

The web has been all but silent on this issue. It offers me no more than a hyperbolic Jacko entry or a repetitive warning on the mistakes of the House of Bush.

I'm going it alone, fundamentally & must trust that the falling away of crutches like caffiene & nicotine will suffice as I find my way to my true calling and to what will truly help me give what it is that I apparantly have to give...

Simple & dumb

I got a new laptop today. Set up just fine, then a shrieking noise filled the room. I've called helpdesk & they are going to send out a replacement part before taking it back. I've not heard of an instance of anyone I know getting a computer & having it work flawlessly. Sigh.

These have been hectic days. I've no way of telling everyone at work that I'm leaving & the e-mails are starting. Without a handy dose of short-timer's syndrome, I'm stuck working when it's my last chance to check in with folks I have really enjoyed working with. Small problem, but it's weighing on my mind.

I feel better about the work I've done; most folks I'm leaving in my shoes will have what they need to press on & it's been entertaining to develop strategies to keep them going in my absence. I've enjoyed it, even though it does make me sad to see this part of my life reach it's conclusion.

That doesn't mean I'm dismayed about making this change. I'm thrilled to feel ready, exhilirated, etc. It's a lot to take on, so it's daunting, but I'm not being flip or flighty about it, so there. I mean, so that's good.

I've been isolating myself of late. Not taking calls and not doing much at night. I ran through the local blockbusters & came up with nothing to bring home, but have the last few dvds of Futurama to watch, the ones that David left here -- for Joanna to come get. Joanna, who lives in Maryland. Should come out here, for a visit.

So much to put together for the summer. Scuba diving? I'll need to get certified & get over claustrophobia. Astrology? I'll need to dig in to studies & pick an elective to take at the local Astrological college. Art? Don't even get me started.

I'll wrap up now. It's 10pm already & I've got to see if there's anything left of the evening.

Laptops, sheesh!

Quick turnaround

Dad's home & crabby. I've heard that recovery brings crabbiness & hope for the best for him. He's uncomfortable, so that is a tough time.

This weekend I went to the fantastic NORWAC astrological convention & got to visit with & see lectures from astrologers at the height of their intellectual & emotional power. I love that conference!

Got to visit with my brother & his sweetie for the time I wasn't at work or at the conference. We all hung out with the smallest of downsides (didn't get to see Team America together, sigh). I love visiting with my brother & this visit topped the list.

We also went to the Folklife festival. Y'know, my maiden name is Folk. We went to the festival to see J play with the Blind Shoemaker's Union, which we missed by, like 20 minutes. We got there in time to see everyone packing up. Then we wandered around, snapping pics & baking in the rare sunshine of a Seattle day.

Friday night's fun was a potluck with friends & a book exchange, with the left over books being sold & the money going to charity. We left with more books then we brought, sigh. Foodwise, we brought homemade crab cakes, whoo hoo! That was very fun.

Speaking of crabs, I accidentally ordered a bushel of Maryland crabs for my brother's visit. That's around 6 dozen crabs & the time he was out here was hallmarked by his diligence with the crabs. He cleaned out easily two dozen & most for our benefit, as the meat goes bad quicker in the shell. He said he could clearly see the connection between me & my sister Tish through the crab feast. What can I say, I love crabs! Even better, I rushed home from the conference on Sunday, in time to go out for Seattle seafood. Luxury!

Year end work is wrapping up, fiscal year end - that is. It's tough going & I tend to be more brusque when time is running out. I swear I'm trying to listen & do what's best for business - but I can always work on my presentation. In fact, I'll start just now.

Diving in

I'm in the work part of work, can't see tne final result. I've taken on a complicated set of asks & there's literally too much to tell the story. So, I'm paring them down, one by one. I've gone over the whole set of May photos with a fine tooth comb and I have the work plan, but am dismayed by the sluggish progress. I'm aiming to be done today. So you can imagine the schedule I've put together: breakfast, work, anything else.

Finding breadcrumbs

Well, we've been home for a week and I feel our particular version of normalcy returning. All of the big events of the last few weeks have had me churning in the low waves, like the powerful waves of N.C.'s shorelines. I've laughed and cried & been irresponsible & hospitable. I've been amazed at the folks I've seen at their highs & lows.

Jason and I started the celebration for our anniversary last night. It didn't quite take, so we'll keep celebrating that fine day until we feel it maps to our feelings for each other. That's a best case scenario & I'm glad to have that linger for as long as necessary.

My Dad is either in the hospital or back home, will have to check in this weekend. I've kept up with him via phone & wish him the best of luck for his heart surgery. He's certainly been a blessing to talk with.

Work has hit the meat of the work we need to accomplish before the new fiscal year starts. That's a huge accomplishment in itself & I try not to think about how much we are asking hundreds of people to change their view of what they do -- focusing instead on the value of the plans we've been making for the last several months. It's maybe the largest project I've worked on & I'm determined to see it through as best I can.

Zikr hit me where I live & helped me get synched while feeling the most vulnerable to my feelings. The people I got to met & host were beyond lovely - music means so much to me & we were able to hear music throughout the entire weekend, in and outside of our prayer circle.

The wedding we attended surpassed any I've seen before, in terms of beauty and concerted effort. I have high hopes for this new family configuration & will think often of where I'm at in this broad group, of what I can contribute from where I am.

Home is calling me. I have coordinated a new office, where I sit often with my cat & look into the future, a future where I am doing so much more of what I set out to do 5-10 years ago, which is honoring my desire to do art, to do astrology as a profession. Being at home with Jason is always a revelation & the idea that we'll be spending more time together as summer raises it's sleepy head in Seattle is something I have tucked away, like a wish, like a dream.

Today, I'm heading in to finish a few meetings & join co-workers at the new Star Wars movie. I'm completely tired, could sleep for days, but happy to share this kind of time with people who clearly put their hearts & minds into the work that they do.

Tonight, we're looking for photo ops, or I'll stick around the homestead, culling the best photos from the 500 or so I've taken in the past few weeks. An initial review looks promising, but that's not unusual. I'm curious to see the whole cloth of what I've documented & not the super-personal view I usually take -- one, frankly, that allows me to see all but the most obscured photo as a success.

Stunning things from this last few weeks:

The smile on Stephen's face during the vows & when he first danced with his new bride

Connie's attentiveness to me throughout the wedding

Nathan's good cheer and better questions

Bill, in general & in specific

Frances' office

Amy & Jennifer rehearsing vows with their hair in curls and big grins on their faces

Jason & Rachel's toasts to the new couple

My dad saying how proud he is of me & asking me to be who I am, knowing that I am a good person

My mom, totally

Seeing John & Tish, Tish's arm on me -- comforting me during a fit

Dave & Jilda and all that they do (kick ass accordian tape being the most recent hoot)

Don and all of his support, while I figure out what support I need

Matt, for all of the encouragement he gives for me to grow as a biz professional

Jessica, for her thoroughness and good cheer

Andrew, for his accessibility and willingness to address issues

Peter & Courtney,`for their unwavering vision

Justin, for his questions and persistence

Molly, Jason and Shannon -- who do consistently wonderful work & who never shy away from doing more.

Wes, for not giving up

Jason, for his steadfastness and high expectations of me

My sisters, one and all -- sisters are fabulous to have & I don't see a cap for that benefit

Jema -- for being my familiar & for purring loudly in her 15th year, to make her happy, I'd change quite a bit.

Michael, Tsukina & Ezekial, for gently and joyfully entering my heart and not letting me retreat from that lovely contact

Maile, for her incredible spirit and determination

Jelal, for his bottomless generosity and clear sight

Drew and Alex, for their openness and for love

Pam, for her ongoing inspiration and for modeling a life well led

for you reading this

for a life that showers me with the realization of that aching gratitude and the myriad ways it occurs to me to express it.

Heading out to NC tonight. We're going to my bro-in-law's wedding. I'm jazzed, it'll be so much fun to see family & have a party.

No word from Dad yet, I think it'll be pretty quiet around his condition until after the operation.

This week at work has been considerably better. Lots of details fleshed out about how to work together. Definitely the best team I've worked with in my career, thus far.

Neck pain

slept wrong last night & feeling it today. My boss asked me if I had literal neck pain or if I was just using that metaphor to make a comment on work. Work has been tough lately, it's never been a breeze, but lately it's been so much about hairpin turns and looping people into projects at the last minute that my head is spinning.

The band is coming over tonight, J is out getting the remaining recording bits & pieces after dissing my guitar/amp setup. Given that I last played guitar around 20 years ago, I should begrudge him the comments, but the guitar was from my pal Joe & I don't want J besmirching a gift, you know?

I just put on one of the marriage mixes J is doing for the upcoming family wedding. Good stuff, but I can't nab it yet because he hasn't made another copy. I'm back on his list of people who need cds though, which is good.

May Day photos will be coming up shortly. I passed the camera around & so have a TON of pics, but will put up just the pictures I took here. I've been reviewing the various places where I've stashed my photos & the compressions I have to do is bumming me out. The pictures on this site are ok, but I'll have to consider the abc's of photo editing in the next few months, to see if I can improve the quality bar.

Eek, just checked work mail & took the zest out of posting this. More when I resume my "cheerful disposition".